Latest Update

Mum is doing very well.  She is in bed most of the time and very well looked after.  They manage to give her a shower and wash her hair although they tell me she does argue with them about it.  She used to do the same with me!!!!!!

Only had one problem although it was a major one.  When I went to see her the other day she was really thirsty and she had no drink within reach.  She drank two full beakers and most of a third.  I really told them off about that and it hasn't happened again.  I bring in Gatorade for her.  Found out about it because they gave it to Elvis when he appeared in Vegas.  It's very good for dehydration and mum has suffered from dehydration quite a lot.

Mum hasn't eaten since September and it's very difficult to get her to eat anything.  I managed to get five half teaspoons of supper down her the other day but she just doesn't want to eat.  She's being kept going on fortijuice mainly and some of the nurishment milk I get for her.  She's still going though and her dementia isn't getting any worse - she still knows who I am.  If she didn't that would be terrible.  At least I've managed to get her care sorted out.  We were very lucky.  Most people don't get the care she's getting and she is nearby so I can go and spend time with her most days.

Short Update

Mum was released from hospital and I sent her to the brilliant nursing home nearby with the last two weeks of my respite vouchers.  When I went to collect her I couldn't take her home - she was too weak and ill.  I couldn't have got her out of the car let alone into the house, to the stairs, onto the stairlift, up the stairs and into her bedroom.  The home were very good - they called Social Services to ask for emergency funding.  The social worker was nice but really clueless.  She wanted me to sign a form to say I would pay over £100 per week towards my mother's care - where she thought I was going to find that kind of money from I've no idea.  Anyhow the district nurses called to see my mum at the home and common sense prevailed.  They arranged for immediate emergency funding so she could stay there.

Then mum's gp arrived and insisted on sending her to hospital which was a complete waste of time.  She had to stay there for a week and they couldn't find anything wrong with her.  At last she was brought back to the nursing home.  She has a really comfortable room and more importantly a comfortable bed and they look after her really well - much better than I can.  Mum is still very frail but at least she's being looked after properly.

Sunday am

Went to see mum at the hospital.  She's on the top floor in Ward D3 - really difficult to get to.  If you go up in the main lift it only goes to the third floor and you have to trail around finding how to get to the next floor with the D wards.  Found the way up in the end.  There is a lift to the fourth floor but hidden away and not signposted a long way down a corridor away from the main lifts.  I should have remembered it as my father was on floor D when he died three years ago.  Maybe they think that putting the elderly on the fourth floor means they're nearer to God.

She does seem a lot brighter.  In A&E she was very quiet and slept all the time so I was fearing the worst.  When I got to the ward she was talking again and had managed to pull out the drip they had her on so she's getting back to her ususal self.

Had to miss the hospital today because of exhaustion.  One of the nurses told me to take a rest while she's in there although I feel guilty missing a visit.  Will go and see her tomorrow.  If she continues to make good progress she should be able to come home soon.

Saturday am

Eventful week.  Mum was getting weaker and weaker - it was very difficult even getting her from the bed to the commode.  Called the doctor on Wednesday and he called back and said it sounded as if she might have a urinary infection.  Managed to get a sample - with a lot of difficulty as she really wasn't at all well - and took it to the surgery.  Stood at the desk and told them it can't wait as she is very unwell.  He's a good doctor thank heavens and he did a test there in the surgery and prescribed antibiotics.  He also asked one of the district nurses to call to take a blood test as a matter or urgency.

The district nurse called early afternoon.  She was really good - she said my mum needed to be in hospital.  She called the surgery and had huge problems getting through the receptionist who said the doctor woudn't speak to her as he was running a surgery.  The nurse asked if he could call her back between patients.  The receptionist said no.  Anywho common sense prevailed and he did call back.

The nurse called for an ambulance which arrived a couple of hours later.  Had a lot of trouble getting mum downstairs as she is so weak.  Managed it eventually.  Took a blanket into A&E - I've had to go there a couple of times with my father and mum and it can get cold.  Managed to make her comfortable there - she slept most of the time.  She is very dehydrated.  They did admit her and she seemed to come around a little once she was on the drip and getting some liquid into her.

Was at the hospital until late.  Maybe this time we can get a reasonable care package in place.  Her new GP is very good but she does need regular visits and nowadays that doesn't happen.

Sunday pm

Managed to get quite a bit of milk supplement down mum today.  She's still not eating.  Will need to call out the doctor again if it goes on much longer.  There's no point in sending her to hospital - they probably wouldn't admit her anyway and the care can be a bit patchy.  Might try to get her back into that really good home for a few weeks.  They managed to get her to eat before.  If I could send her for a few weeks it might work wonders.  Will try Social Services tomorrow.

Saturday pm

Big bed wetting session yesterday and today mum didn't wake up until about 6.30 pm when I was able to change her.  She isn't eating.  I'll call in the doctor on Monday.  She can't go on if she doesn't eat and she's sleeping more and more.

Thursday am

Nothing unusual over the last few days.  Mum isn't eating much.  Wet bed the last couple of mornings so everything had to be changed.  She says she's very ill and wants to go into hospital which is the same as always.  She doesn't seem any worse than usual.  It seems incredible that anyone would want to go into hospital but she doesn't really understand what she's saying.  She doesn't really know where she is and doesn't understand most of the time that she's in her own home.

Sunday am

Not a great deal happening during the last week.  Just the usual changing, grumbling etc.  Mum is in a "I want to go to hospital" mode which means we get "I'm very very very very ill" all day and demands for doctors, hospitals etc.  The problem is that one day she's going to mean it and it's hard to work out if she's really ill or just looking for attention.

The dog is doing well after having the lump removed from her back.  The vet sent it away for analysis and the receptionist left a message on the answerphone to call them.  When I called back they told me the vet would have to speak to me so I was really worried.  Anyhow I needn't have as the same receptionist called back later to say the test had shown nothing abnormal so the old dog will continue for a while yet.

Another great day has begun - taking out the dog and shovelling up after it, emptying the cats' trays - nobody has thrown up this morning thank goodness - and emptying my mother's commode (nothing worse there either - a dry bed and underwear - so a relatively easy start to the day).

Sunday pm

Another day gone with nothing too drastic happening.  Mum was very quiet for most of the day.  We had a bit of a crisis in the afternoon - she had taken off the vlesi pants which she often does and I won't describe the state of the bed.  Everything needed to be changed and I had to clean her up.  If Michael wasn't here to change the bed it would be next to impossible.  No rows thank heavens.  Managed to clean mum up and change her nightdress.  I forgot to brush her hair so there will be complaints tomorrow when I brush it - I'm not going to wake her up to do it.

It's a bit scarey to think maybe that will be me in 20 odd years.  We're starting our retirement and instead of a quiet life growing old doing the things we've always wanted to do - reading mainly - we have to devote our lives to looking after my elderly mum who hasn't much of an idea where she is or what she's doing.  We don't have any children so if we get like that we'll have to go into a home - hope it's a better one than the one I took my mother out of which was dreadful.  I told Michael we really do have to think about the future and make whatever arrangements we can.

Anyhow all is quiet again - oh she's just asked for a cup of tea so she's awake.  I'll just rush up and brush her hair so it doesn't tangle up overnight.

Saturday am

This morning went really well.  No rows when I went to change my mum and she's had tea.  She didn't wet the bed and she is getting a bit more lively - she can get to the bathroom.  She had managed to get to the commode during the night as well.  I use pine disinfectant which I find really good - not so dreadful emptying out the commode which isn't a very thrilling job.

Got mum's hair brushed without a row as well.  That's always a struggle as she objects to it being brushed but if it's left it just gets tangled and matted so I have to insist.  Found some shampoo on Ebay which is waterless so I can wash her hair in bed.  Found some great incontinence pants on Ebay as well.  Padded and just like ordinary pants so she doesn't realise what they're for although Michael always referring to them as "nappies" tends to spoil the illusion.  They don't always work 100% all the time if she just doesn't want to get out of bed but they do work most of the time and we don't have to change the bed every day which is a huge bonus.

I'll see if I can get her to eat something.  It's getting very difficult.  We get some great cans from the little local shop called Nurishment which she loves.  It's like a milkshake with all different flavours and filled with vitamins and minerals

Mum was wondering if her mother and father were still alive.  I had to remind her she's almost 87 and it would be very unlikely!!!!  She can't remember them passing away at all - or her brother who died when he was only 27.

The dog took its antibiotics without any problem.  I wrap them in a piece of Milky Way so she doesn't know she's taking them.

Lots of demands from mum to "come up to me" "I'm not feeling well"  "I want to go to hospital".  This goes on all day every day.  No matter how often you go in to see her she calls all the time for someone to "come up to me" - unless she's asleep of course when we get a break.

Friday Morning

It's a while since I posted anything here.  Time constraints really and tiredness so I havn't got around to it.  From now on I will try to post every day as a lot has happened.

At long last we did get some help from Social Services who gave me vouchers so I can get some respite care.  I found a fabulous home.  It does cost far more than the vouchers will pay for so we still had to pay well over 200GBP per week for her care.  We can get four weeks a year which isn't a huge amount but it does at least help.  I can get some rest sometimes.

I also found a new doctor who is far better than the previous idiot.  He has changed some of her medication which seems to help a little.

This morning was difficult - not least because I'm absolutely exhausted at the moment.  One of the pussy cats managed to get knocked down and killed on the roads a couple of weeks ago which was a shock as we loved poor Bertie very much and we're really missing him.  The dog who is well over 14 also needed an operation to remove a growth on her back.  Took her in to the vet yesterday and it seems to have gone very well.  Despite her age she's very sturdy and came through it without any problems.  I'm sleeping downstairs for the next few days so she doesn't follow me upstairs which doesn't really work that well as I have to go upstairs several times a day to look after my mum who can be very demanding.

Anyhow this morning was difficult - started off with a wet bed and shouts for attention.  Michael, my husband, changed the bed while I changed my mother.  Without Michael it would be impossible.  Anyhow mum was in a bad temper and I was so tired it all ended up in a big row.  Don't like it when that happens.  She's changed and back in bed so we'll see how the rest of the day goes.

Sunday Morning

Mum has slept a lot for the last few days.  I brought her present and card into her yesterday and she thought it was for Mother's Day.  She is completely unaware of the day or time or day it is.

This morning she asked when Christmas Day was and I told her it was yesterday.  She said she didn't know what day it was so she does know that she can't remember very much - not short term anyway.  She long term memory seems to be OK.

Mum woke me up again at 4am wanting me to find her slippers.  She also wanted tea but I was too exhausted to make any for her and went back to sleep.  It is very difficult not being able to get a full night's sleep.  Mum has gone off to sleep again.  I will try to clean her room today and give her a wash.

Thursday Morning

Mum hasn't been feeling too well for the past couple of days.  Woke up at 3am wanting pills.  She still hasn't had her bath.  She's asleep again now.  She has slept an awful lot recently.  We bought an artificial Christmas tree yesterday and will put it up later today - I thought in the hall upstairs so she can see it from her room.

Tuesday Morning

Gave mum her cup of hot chocolate and pills at around 11pm.  She called for more hot chocolate after midnight but I was too exhausted to go down and make her any.  She woke me again at 4am wanting tablets.  I couldn't give her any for another hour and she'd gone back to sleep by then.  She didn't wake up until 10.30 when I gave her some tablets and a cup of tea.  By the time I got back with the tea she'd gone back to sleep.  When she wakes up again she'll ask for more tea telling me that her tea has gone "stone cold".

Monday Evening

Not a bad day at all.  Mum ate a little for supper.  She didn't have her bath.  We'll try again tomorrow.  She was complaining a little bit about feeling really unwell.  The trouble is she can hardly walk and she doesn't like that.  I tell her that at 86 she can expect for things to go wrong sometimes and she can't expect to run about as she did when she was younger.  It is sad to see her shuffling and struggling to get from her bedroom to the bathroom.  I made sure that she had the bedroom right next to the bathroom so it is almost as good as being ensuite.

One of the problems is that she went to bed almost 30 years ago when there was nothing wrong with her claiming to be desperately ill and wanting everyone to run around after her.  She even had a stick which she would bang on the ceiling to get attention.  She's spent so much time in bed that her muscles don't work very well because she hasn't used them for so long.  She's a huge contrast to my father who used to exercise every day and didn't want anyone to do anything for him.  She doesn't find it ironic that he has passed away and she's still here over two years later after years and years of him running around looking after her.

There is a lot I need to add about my father's last few months and how both my parents have been failed by the Social Services/National Health Service etc.  This is, of course, quite common with older people.  Every so often there is an outcry in a newspaper or on the TV and people pay lip service to it but nobody does anything.  They don't seem to realise that everybody is going to get old (unless they pass away sooner of course) and that the vast majority of the population will need help when they get older.  Not everyone will be in a position to care for their parents so they end up at the mercy of the services provided by the State - many of which are very poor and an absolute disgrace.

Monday Afternoon

Mum wanted a cup of hot chocolate at 2am.  I gave her some painkillers at the same time.  She woke again at 6am wanting more tablets.  I couldn't give her any as you have to wait six hours between each dose of medication.  She went off to sleep again and woke up at 9.30 when I was able to give her some more tablets.  She's in a good mood today and keeps on saying how lovely the Christmas lighted village is.  She says she wants a bath today - it will be great if it actually happens.

Late Sunday Evening

Mum had a good day today.  She ate an evening meal of sausages, peas and cabbage, had a desert of a small trifle and an ice cream later on.  She seems happy today.  She really likes the Christmas lighted village and decided to watch TV this evening which she hasn't done for quite a long time.  Not too many complaints about not feeling well either which is good.

Early Sunday Evening

Mum seems a bit brighter today.  She has had cake and crisps and some biscuits.  She hasn't eaten properly for months.  When she was in the home they just left her to it - one of the staff in the kitchen used to try to encourage her to eat but it didn't have much effect and towards the end of her stay there she was losing an awful lot of weight.  We have found a really good milk drink called Nurishment which she likes and which is full of vitamins and protein.  It's a good substitute for a balanced meal and she has stopped losing weight.  She does eat a little sometimes apart from sweet things.  She will eat yoghurts and bananas and sometimes fish and chips and some chicken and also sausages but nothing else much.

I put a nice Christmas village light in her room which plays Christmas songs.  She really likes it.  She started rambling a little bit talking about a small table which was in her home in Ireland which she had noticed in the corner and I should put the Christmas light on it.  It isn't there of course.  We managed to change the bed which is a bit of a performance.   We have to wait until she goes into the bathroom and then whip all the clothes off the bed.  I also managed to give her a bit of a wash yesterday which is another performance as she has taken a real dislike to soap and water.  I have to run at her with a flannel full of soap and water to get her to have anything resembling a wash.  She does go along with it once I've started but it's a struggle.  I bought some bed bath cloths from Ebay and tried to wash her in bed with them.  She objected they were cold and she could have a wash at the sink.

She's still complaining she's not feeling well and is feeling dizzy - she also knows that she forgets things which upsets her.  She is a lot better today though - at the moment anyway.

Early Sunday Morning

Slept until 6am when we were awoken by mum calling for tablets.  She wants a doctor again.  She has pains in her legs.  The doctor did refer her to the hospital but when it came to the day of the appointment she refused to go saying she was too ill.  This happened three times.  The trouble is she refuses to get out of bed.  Shortly after we gave her the painkillers she was asking when she had her tablets last.  Mum has vascular dementia which means she has severe short term memory loss - she is unlikely to forget who I am and has retained her long term memory so at least she has something there.  She won't be completely overwhelmed by the dementia.

Staggered out in the snow with mum's dog.  I've had to look after the dog since dad died just over two years ago.  Mum isn't up to it although she doesn't seem to realise she can't manage.

Some Background

As a bit of background, my mum was in a Nursing Home for about 15 months.  She managed to fracture her hip and her GP - not the one she has now - insisted there was nothing wrong with her.  I had called Social Services begging for help and he called them after he had seen her telling them she was being stubborn and could stand if she wanted to.  This was on a Monday.  On the previous day my mum had called for an ambulance.  They called me to tell me that there was nothing wrong with her.  The problem was that she had called them so often before that they didn't take her seriously.  They even rang me (I didn't live with her then) to tell me the problem was that she did not have anyone to socialise with.

Anyhow three days later on the Wednesday we at last got her to hospital where they took an X-ray and found she had a multiple fracture of the hip.  She needed a hip replacement which they did very quickly.  While she was in hospital they noticed her very erratic behaviour (I had told her GP previously about it and also Social Services and asked for help but all they would say was that unless she agreed they couldn't do a psychiatric assessment).  They couldn't continue to ignore it though while she was in hospital as she was throwing things at the nurses!!!!

Mum was diagnosed with dementia and I was put under enormous pressure by Social Services and a nurse from the Primary Care Trust to agree to her going into a Nursing Home.  I was told that I would be alone if I tried to look after her myself and could expect no support.  I did agree in the end as I knew it would be impossible to care for her on my own.  I did find a  home - there were not that many to choose from - and she was admitted from hospital.  That's another story though.  I have now taken her out of the Nursing Home and am caring for her myself.  Or trying to anyway.